I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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