Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
