its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I want her autograph on my taint
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
