bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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