i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
