mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
we made out on top of his cat.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
