Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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