I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
