did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
