I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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