No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
