This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
