i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
