I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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