I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize