awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
