Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
