Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize