On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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