meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
