I wannas sexs uuuuu
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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