K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
