i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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