So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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