Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I will die if light touches me.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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