It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
