i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
