I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize