ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
