Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
