Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
