First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
