who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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