I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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