he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
