I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
