I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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