It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize