Please, let me fuck your mom
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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