would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
