I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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