grandma shit on top of the toilet
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
