No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
