he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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