if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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