I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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