you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
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