john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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