let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
