His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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