Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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