Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
