How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
