he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
