I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
