Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
