yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
