We're like a lot better than the average bears
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
