He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
