he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
