Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
