Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
i now understand why vodka
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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