now i know why i became what i already was.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
tell me about the eggs
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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