something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
