Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize